


You may not rest, there are monsters nearby

by the_Oli_is_a_lie (oliczek23)



Series: Half Enderman - Full Trouble [1]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom
Genre: (I talk about it a little but it's not explicitly show in the fic), Bad Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Beds, Curses, Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Found Family, Gen, Hearing Voices, Hostile Mobs (Minecraft) - Freeform, Immortal Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Piglin Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Protectiveness, Technoblade Hears Voices (Video Blogging RPF), Winged Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), why is it not a tag istg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29923791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oliczek23/pseuds/the_Oli_is_a_lie
Summary: Techno is feeling warm and fuzzy after blowing up L'manberg and his only plan for the day is sleeping soundly in his even warmer house.But Phil brings a child. And that's A Problem because of course the man is (still) cursed and the kid isn't a half-mob like they assumed.It would also be nice if the voices shut the hell up but that's too much to ask, isn't it?
Relationships: Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: Half Enderman - Full Trouble [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179437
Comments: 2
Kudos: 150





	You may not rest, there are monsters nearby

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I would like to preface this by saying that  
> 1) Phil is deliberately slightly OOC and weird in this fic, I will explain this in the second chapter, for now feel some tension guys lmao  
> 2) Techno hears voices all the time, but I only write them down when they're especially loud or when it's convenient to me.  
> 3) If more than one person drops a comment below asking me to explain how come Ranboo hasn't been discovered as a non-player earlier and how hybrids work in this universe I will gladly write some notes about it
> 
> Now on with the chapter, enjoy!
> 
> This work has been beta'ed by [Boston_Cream](/users/Boston_Cream/) and [Hellkitten](/users/Hellkitten/).

What’s better than blowing up a tyrannical country? Relaxing after a long day of blowing up a tyrannic country. But leave it to Phil to drag an emotionally and physically exhausted 8 feet tall half-enderman child to Techno’s home with barely any warning instead. That was just one of The Things that man did, so the half-piglin just sighed at the sight and didn’t comment when he came back from the hole of what used to be L’manberg.

Any snide remarks he could have had would die on his tongue anyway with how utterly bad the kid looked. If Techno had anything other in mind than just _sleep,_ he would have probably tried to accommodate him a little to ease his apparent suffering. Alas, the piglin hybrid was tired and Phil was already on the case, so he just nodded at the two, ~~pretended to not hear Ranboo’s frightened vwoop~~ , hung his cape on the holder and went to the attic to get that sweet, sweet Morpheus’ embrace.

Even Chat seemed tired, turned down to barely a buzz of whispers, their bloodthirsty tendencies seemingly sated after the events of _Doomsday_ ~~as Tommy appropriately named it— No. Not thinking about that~~. 

_Anyway—_ Gods above, he was so tired.

He nearly face planted into the bed, taking a minute to just rest before scrambling back up to put down _(most)_ of his weapons and properly get the comforter placed before plunging into the soft covers once again. God, that felt _good._

He stared at the ceiling blinking blearily and just breathing for a moment and then he turned to the side, letting his eyelids fall contently.

And then his comm pinged.

He groaned and turned to the other side, already annoyed by the sound. He needed his beauty sleep goddammit, it could wait.

He calmed down his breathing and got comfortable again. Feeling like he was on the verge of sleep was easy after a day like that.

His comm pinged again.

` _Come on it might be important  
Technoblade, Technoblade come on  
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
Check. It. Out.  
Check. It. Out._ `

Ah fuck it so much, the voices were starting to become rowdy again.

“Quiet down, will you? Trying to sleep here,” he murmured, already losing hope that it will work out.

` _CHECK IT OUT!  
E  
CHECK IT OUT  
CHECK IT OUT!  
E  
E  
E  
E_ `

He nearly felt his blood pressure rise. “Fine! I’ll check it out and then you’ll let me sleep!” He grumbled and cracked an eye open, summoning the damned thing to be on his eye level. Who could want something from him at this hour? Were people seeking revenge not even capable of common courtesy of letting your enemy rest before demanding their death?

His eyes went from cracked open to bulging out of his skull pretty damn fast.

` _You may not rest, there are monsters nearby_ `  
` _You may not rest, there are monsters nearby_ `

_What?_

` _OOOOOOOOOOOO  
You must have a creeper in the house lmao  
check it out check it out  
run boy run this world is not made for you run boy run~  
What if it attacked Phil and Ranboo?_ `

He shot up from the bed and started surveying his immediate surroundings. There wasn’t anything moving close so he grabbed his sword and ran downstairs. Phil and Ranboo were sitting next to a fireplace, chatting quietly, and once again there were no mobs around. Techno slammed the door open as the winged man shot him an incredulous look. Outside there was a whole lotta snow and nothing else. Not a single mob.

“What the fuck?” he whispered miserably.

The comm was never wrong. It was a gift from gods that informed you about member’s deaths on the server and made sure you didn’t die in your sleep, those were the two key functions, plus it also allowed chatting. _But it was never wrong._ So what the fuck..?

He walked around the house, voices still agitated, and checked out the lanterns and torches stopping the mobs from spawning. Everything was calm, quiet, peaceful and in its place.

He shuddered as the warmth of the house seeped from his bones and into the cold Tundra wind. He had to go back. So he did, shuddering the snow that fell on him as he opened the door again, much gentler this time.

“Okay, what was that about, mate?” Phil asked him with a silly grin on his face. The man’s question fell dead on his ears though as his eyes fell on their impromptu guest.

There were cogs turning inside Techno’s brain and they were turning loudly.

“Ranboo, what exactly are you?” he asked the kid bluntly.

“W-What..?”

“You said you're half enderman…” The teen nodded at that so he continued, more and more convinced his train of thoughts was going in the right direction. “Is the other part… human?”

Ranboo froze. He looked like he wasn’t breathing. Phil started showing various ‘abort mission’ gestures behind his back and Techno just squinted at him tiredly. _He had to know, okay? This was important for his theory._

` _Techno whatchu doin’  
Stop traumatizing the child!  
E  
omg no  
wait you’re thinking what I’m thinking?  
EEEEEEE  
this is bad this is bad  
Blood for the blood god!  
Shut up DON’T KILL THE CHILD  
WE LOVE THE BOO DON’T YOU DARE  
no, no  
KILL THE CHILD  
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!  
S H U T U P_ `

“I— I think so?” Ranboo seemed to break out of his stupor. “I at least assumed it's like that—” And there it was. That was basically a confirmation.

“Phil,” he intoned monotonously and set his gaze on the winged man so he would know that his next words weren’t a joke. “Phil, there's an aggressive mob in my house.” Phil scrunched up his brows but didn’t reply. So he didn’t get the allusion. “There’s an aggressive mob in my house and it’s chilling at my fireplace.” Phil shot up, his right wing stretching as if to make a physical barrier between Ranboo and Techno.

“What the fuck, mate?” And there it was, the realization. “Don't just _say_ that—”

“Then try to sleep.” he snapped, gesturing towards the attic. “Come on, try, get in the bed and close your eyes and tell me what your comm says.” The man seemed to hesitate for a second, only now considering the probability of Techno’s words being true instead of blindly protecting the child he brought home. Cursed paternal instincts; will get him killed one day. “I just checked, there are no other mobs around.”

Phil shot a look at Ranboo, who stared back for half a second before averting his eyes.

“Ranboo? What is going to happen if I attempt to sleep?” he asked cautiously, but not unkindly.

“I— I don’t know. You’ll sleep? I didn’t know my presence _does_ something to prevent sleeping!” the kid was high on anxiety now, clenching and unclenching his fist in a futile attempt to calm himself.

` _Nooooooooooooo Techno whyyyyyy_  
Did you have to say it come on  
E  
E  
Bad Techno  
Comfort him!!!! `

The piglin hybrid sighed to himself, hoping the voices wouldn’t get louder. It would be a pain in the ass to quiet them.

And to think he was looking forward to a quiet day. _(Minus the explosions and Withers of course.)_

“Listen Ranboo, we’re not going to banish you from here if you tell us, but we need to know so we can figure out better sleeping arrangements.”

“I—” The kid shot a look at him and averted his eyes just as quickly. “The problem is that I had no idea this kind of thing was happening!”

Well… he sounded sincere enough.

“Okay then, we just have to assume you are a hybrid of an enderman and a hostile mob then and work around it,” Techno said as calmly as possible. It probably came out flat anyway. Now, as for the kid’s placement... “We can get you settled in the basement or in the doghouse, your choice.”

 _“Mate,”_ Phil sounded so done with him. “You want to put a kid in a _doghouse?”_

“I want to _sleep,_ Phil. And with every second that I’m not doing that, I am getting less and less caring about how I achieve it.” He twirled the sword in his hand mindlessly and Phil fluffed up his wings defensively. _Joy._

“That—” Ranboo spoke up quietly. “That actually sounds nice. The doghouse, I mean. I like animals.” The ender-child cowered under their accumulated gazes and looked down at his hands fisting the material of his pants. “And, uh,” he fidgeted anxiously, his tails lashing out a little. “I can use a comm so I think I’m at least _partially_ human… Not that I remember my parents, but, you know…” The kid sounded like he was convincing himself, but he was also making a point. Oh well.

“Off to the doghouse we go then, I want to sleep,” he harrumphed lowly, already putting on the coat. When he turned around Ranboo was already standing up but Phil stubbornly stood his ground, still separating them.

Techno sighed.

“Phil? Can I ask for a word? _Upstairs?”_

Phil sent another long look at Ranboo and finally moved to the stairs. Techno followed with another sigh barely suppressed.

**Author's Note:**

> Gah, I'm so excited to be writing this!
> 
> To anyone worried about another unfinished fic in this series: I will publish another chapter soon, don't worry. It's halfway done.
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/TheOliIsALie) | [Discord](https://discord.gg/czdKbZm) | [Tumblr](https://the-oli-is-a-lie.tumblr.com/) | [Carrd](https://theoliisalie.carrd.co/)


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